As featured in Stylist March 2025
Sadness is a natural, important emotion that helps us process life’s experiences, learn about ourselves, and grow.
First, we need to understand why we experience sadness. Sadness typically arises when we experience a type of loss, either something tangible like a possession, or experiences like connection with others.
Whilst sadness is unpleasant, this negative experience lets us know that something was important to us, and so we learn about our needs, values and goals in the same way we do with positive experiences. Together, positive and negative experiences allow us to feel fulfilled in live, as we have things and experiences that we do not want to lose.
When addressing sadness, getting a balance is key; dwelling on sadness can lead to a negative outlook on life, and supressing negative emotions altogether can negatively impact mood. But the concept of ‘embracing sadness’ can feel quite strange; no one truly relishes a negative experience but remembering that emotions are not permanent can support ‘feeling our feelings’ in the moment, and acknowledging that they will pass.
There are a number of exercises you can try out to help with this process.
Start with acceptance – A gentle way to accepting sadness is by first observing emotions in everyday life, at times when you are not feeling sad. Keeping a diary or journal can help with this. Try noting your emotions at different times of day, how long they last, thoughts that accompany them, and physical sensations. With practice this type of self-reflection becomes easier. As you gain confidence, you can start applying this to moments of sadness.
Observe your sadness– By taking an observer’s perspective you can notice emotions without judgement. Ask yourself ‘How does this sadness feel in the moment?’ ‘What physical sensations am I experiencing, and where is this in my body?’ You can also notice as you go through these questions how sadness changes, and what the impact of this change is. Bringing more objective awareness to your sadness can highlight that emotions are not permanent, and that you are not your emotions.
Describe your sadness – Going beyond a label of ‘sadness’ can help reduce the intensity of emotions. Describing can also help you reflect on the meaning behind this experience. You could take a commentator stance, explaining what the feeling is, as if to another person. Describing sadness can provide insight into what’s really going on, and reduce any related overwhelm. For example, if you have broken a treasured item possession, you might say:
- I feel sadness in my shoulders
- I feel disappointment in my stomach
- The possession reminds me of a person I miss
- Without this physical reminder I feel this loss more
Learn from your sadness – Reframing sadness as a learning experience can help shift perspective from the immediate emotion, without supressing or ignoring it. The ‘What, So What, Now What?’ method can be used to reflect on your emotional experience.
- What? – What did I experience?
- So What? – What does this sadness tell me about my strengths, values, and goals.
- Now What? – How can I respond to similar experiences in the future?
By embracing, reflecting, and learning from sadness rather than avoiding it, we allow ourselves to heal and move forward with greater emotional strength.
Emma Palmer-Cooper 