Are you an over-sharer?

As Featured in the Metro 22.05.2025

As Featured in Your Coffee Break 27.05.2025

We all have experiences and personal histories that shape who we are. Deciding how much of this to share, and where, often depends on the nature of the experience and the context of the sharing. In any interpersonal setting, finding a balance between openness and privacy is important not only for maintaining healthy relationships, but also for protecting our own wellbeing.

Oversharing typically refers to sharing personal details in a way that may be inappropriate, either because it’s overly intimate, causes discomfort to others, or brings about negative psychological consequences for the person sharing or their audience.

Oversharing online

It’s important to consider how we interact with social media platforms when we talk about oversharing. In face-to-face interactions, we receive immediate visual or verbal feedback from the person we’re speaking to. These cues help guide how much to share and indicate whether our disclosure is appropriate or welcome.

When sharing online, however, the process is different. We often create content alone, then post it for others to see, without immediate feedback. There is usually a time lag between posting and receiving any response, and that response may be minimal or absent altogether. This delay can make it difficult to judge whether what we’ve shared was appropriate or helpful.

Benefits of sharing

One possible benefit of online sharing is that certain digital spaces allow people to express themselves more freely. Some feel more able to be their true selves online, known as the online disinhibition effect. The perceived anonymity of online platforms can also make people more willing to share personal or emotional content, particularly if they believe their identity is concealed.

Online platforms can also help foster connection. Many people find community and support online, particularly around shared experiences, niche interests, or identities that may be underrepresented in their offline lives. Since sharing personal information often helps build social connection, being open online can serve as a substitute for interpersonal connection when it’s lacking in everyday life.

If sharing leads to a sense of relief or validation, for example, if others empathise with the content, it can reinforce the idea that (over)sharing is a positive experience. In addition, social media platforms actively reward sharing behaviour. Likes, comments, and shares act as social reinforcers, and this can lead to habitual oversharing as a way to seek out more interaction. For people experiencing loneliness or a desire for recognition, oversharing can become a way to feel seen, understood, or connected.

Drawbacks of oversharing

However, using online spaces to seek connection through oversharing can come with significant downsides. When we’re primarily engaging online with people we don’t know offline, we may give less thought to the long-term consequences of what we share. What’s shared online also tends to stay online, and unlike private, in-person conversations, online disclosures can be screenshot, reshared, or misinterpreted by people far outside the original intended audience.

While openness can promote connection, oversharing can also backfire. In some cases, it may be a coping strategy; people might share a way of seeking support for unmet emotional needs or difficulties with emotional regulation. However, this can make others feel uncomfortable, overwhelmed, or unsure how to respond, resulting in awkwardness, embarrassment, or damage to personal or professional relationships.

There may also be a difference in how people respond to oversharing online compared to in person. Online, people may be less inclined to intervene when they notice someone oversharing. This might be due to uncertainty about how to respond, a feeling that it’s not their place, or simply digital fatigue from frequent exposure to emotionally charged content. As a result, someone sharing intensely personal information online may be met with silence, judgement, or indifference, rather than the support they hoped for.

Finally, there are also practical concerns: oversharing can expose sensitive personal details that increase the risk of identity theft, scams, or data misuse.

What to do before you share online

If oversharing online stems from an unmet need for empathy or validation, it may be helpful to explore alternative ways of processing those thoughts and feelings. This might involve seeking out different relationships, practices or outlets that offer support without relying on a public platform.

Journalling, for example, can be a useful way to get thoughts ‘out of your head’ and into a space where they can be organised. Often, simply writing things down helps to regulate emotions and your thoughts, meaning that detailed public sharing may no longer feel necessary. Journalling is also very flexible, you can use a traditional notebook, an app, or even a voice note if you find it easier to express yourself verbally.

Likewise, counselling and psychotherapy offer confidential, supportive environments in which to explore thoughts, feelings or experiences. These services are open to anyone looking for a space to feel heard, gain insight or work through challenges, and don’t require any sort of diagnosis to be accessed. If the desire to share online is actually about needing to process something, therapy might be a more private and constructive option.

Before posting something personal online, it’s worth asking yourself: “Am I happy for everyone to know this about me, or is it something I’m still working through?” If you’re uncertain, it’s probably best to hold off until you’ve had time to reflect and feel more confident in your decision.

For instance, if you’ve received exciting news about a job offer, you may want to celebrate publicly. But it might be sensible to wait until the offer is confirmed in writing. Similarly, if your social media includes colleagues or professional contacts, consider how sharing this news might affect your workplace relationships. It’s usually best to let your employer know formally before posting anything that could be seen by others in your professional network.

Ultimately, it’s about pausing to reflect: “Who might see this, and am I comfortable with them knowing this level of detail about me?” That moment of consideration can help safeguard your privacy, protect relationships, and ensure that your sharing is intentional rather than reactive.