How to build a better relationship with social media

As featured in Woman and Home, 19.08.2025

If you’ve ever promised yourself you’d “just have a quick scroll” and found yourself still glued to your phone an hour later, you’re not alone. Social media is designed to keep us engaged,but with some thoughtful steps, you can create a healthier, more intentional relationship with it. Change isn’t about willpower alone; it’s about knowing why you want to change, using your strengths, and aligning new habits with your values.

1. Know Your Why
Before making changes, pause and ask yourself: Why do I want a different relationship with social media? Is it because it’s eating into time with loved ones, affecting my mood, or replacing activities I value? The clearer you are, the easier it will be to build meaningful habits you can maintain.

Try pairing a long-term aim, such as “I want to spend less time scrolling”, with a practical short-term step, like limiting social media use to a 10-minute window in the morning and evening. Tools like app timers can help you stick to these boundaries and remind you when it’s time to move on to something more fulfilling.

2. Chase the Joy of Missing Out
Goals are easier to stick to when they’re framed around what you’re moving towards rather than what you’re avoiding. If you’re cutting down on social media, think about what you’re gaining, like peace of mind, more time for hobbies, deeper face-to-face conversations. This is sometimes called the “Joy of Missing Out” (JOMO): the satisfaction of saying “no” to the scroll and “yes” to something more rewarding.

If that feels unfamiliar, think back to a time you put your phone aside. What did you do instead? How did you feel afterwards? Remembering those wins can reinforce your motivation when temptation strikes.

3. Make Your Goals Crystal Clear
Vague intentions like “spend less time on Instagram” are harder to follow than concrete ones. Instead, try: “Check notifications once in the afternoon, then log off.” This way, you can track your progress and feel a genuine sense of achievement. Over time, you can extend your phone-free periods or reduce the number of apps you check.

4. Celebrate Your Success
When you stick to your new habit, reward yourself. This doesn’t have to mean spending money,it could be making a favourite cup of tea, enjoying a walk, or spending time on a creative project you love. The key is to pause and notice the satisfaction that comes from following through. That positive reinforcement strengthens the habit and makes it more likely to last.

Remember: Forming a new habit takes patience and self-compassion. If you slip up, treat it as an opportunity to learn rather than a failure. With a clear purpose, realistic steps, and a focus on what you gain, social media can shift from a drain on your attention to a tool you use on your own terms.