As featured in PopSugar 9/09/2025
I was asked to comment on the role of gossip, and how this might be a positive tool and exchange of information after a wedding, so here’s what I found:
What is gossip really?
Gossip is often dismissed as trivial or overtly negative, but it has actually served a longstanding social purpose. Gossip is how we exchange information, reinforce social norms, and strengthen interpersonal bonds.
It does this by fostering connection between individuals and also wider social groups. Gossip acts as a form of social currency. The exchange of social information supports social cooperation in large groups (when done in a positive way) can build trust. As people share positive gossip they bond and strengthen ties within a group.
Is wedding gossip good?
In the context of a wedding, positive gossip serves to strengthen group identity as attendees, and as important people in the lives of the newly married couple. Gossip also spreads social information, meaning people who weren’t able to attend, or missed particular parts of the wedding, are able to catch up through sharing stories. It might even help the newlyweds, who can’t be everywhere all at once, enjoy more aspects of their wedding.
Why do we gossip?
Research has shown that people who are more central to a social groups with are more likely to share positive gossip, and also more likely to be the subject of positive gossiper. Negative gossip tends to be about people who are less central to a group, and can lead to them being shut out further.
Overall, positive gossip builds connection whereas negative gossip can negatively impact a group and its individual members.
When can gossip go bad?
While gossip can foster connection, it’s important to acknowledge that it can also cross boundaries, especially when the consequence is to undermine others. Research shows that negative gossip tends to focus on people with lower social status or fewer connections within a group, which can lead to exclusion. In these cases, gossip becomes less about bonding and more about reinforcing hierarchies or putting someone in a negative light.
How to stay positive with gossip
To keep gossip positive and constructive, it is context and intent that matter. Gossip that celebrates others, shares joyful updates, or reinforces shared values is good for a group. But when gossip veers into criticism or speculation, especially without a person’s presence or consent, it risks becoming a form of social undermining.
In private scenarios, expressing concerns or frustrations can be valid and even necessary. In these situations it’s best to speak with empathy, and focus on behaviours rather than a person’s character. You can also think about the purpose of such a conversations, is it looking for advice? And ideally it should be done with someone trusted who won’t let the conversation lead to any unintended harm.
Encouraging positive storytelling and sharing helps ensure gossip remains a force for connection, not exclusion.
Emma Palmer-Cooper 